2013-06-06 10:56 三立在线
1、 Original: ...there is no deny that a university or college really offers us great enlightment for students future development and growth.
Revised: ... there is no denying that a university diploma really offers great opportunities for student's personal growth.
there is no deny改为固定搭配there is no denying“不可否认”。原句中还存在表达不当的问题，应该是大学文凭给学生们的个人发展提供了很多机会。
2、Original: Modern technologies have improved today's factories technology and brought pollutions to the minimum.
Revised: However, with the modern technology, air and noise pollution can be kept to a minimum.
“降到最低程度”是to a minimum。
3、Original: If you want to catch the pace of the rhythms of the modern world you had better get ready.
Revised: If you want to keep pace with the rhythms of the modern world, you had better get up early.
原句catch up with the pace的搭配是不对的，如果表述“和现在世界的快节奏同步”可以用keep pace with(与…同步)或catch up with(赶上…步伐)。
4、 Original: Every year, Lenovo spends a large amount of money to product environment without regret. By doing this, Lenovo makes a profit at the same time.
Revised: Every year Lenovo spends a large amount of money on environmental protection while at the same time makes a profit.
原句中动词spend的词组搭配不正确，spend可以表示“花费钱或时间”。常用的搭配有：spend money on sth./sb.表示“在某人或某事上花钱”;spend time with sb.表示“花时间和某人在一起”;spend time(in)doing sth. 表示“花时间做某事”等。另外，原句有些啰嗦，改后稿用while结构省略了一个句子，使句子更加简洁。
5、Original: The advertisement as the news inform us the current technologies of a country.
Revised: The ad informed us of the current technology, solar, available within that country.
“让某人得知什么消息或事情”，要用inform sb. of sth.,不能直接说inform sb. sth.。
6、Original: I do admire those people who trust their first intuition for their courage to follow what their hearts believe.
Revised: I do admire those people who trust their first impressions, for they have the courage to follow their hearts.
“跟着感觉走”的英语表达式follow one's heart。