it looks like that you are suffering a lot from grammer mistakes.
I recommend that you pay more attention to the verbs and structure of your sentences when you write, try to avoid writing sentence fracture(of which I'm sure you're fimiliar if you often use Word). e.g. "will emerge when I making friends" I'm sure you actually meant "when making friends" or "when I make friends"
Pay attention to the difference between adj. and adv.e. eg.you wrote "there is a largely possibility ", however, if you look at it again,you'll probably realize that the proper way to say so should be:"there is a large possibility", for the word possibility is a noun.
So, PROOFREAD if time permits!
After all, your writing does show a decent mastery of this language, for instance,your diction and the structure of the whole essay(if it is so called).so,GOOD LUCK.