【13】TOPIC #066:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Classmates are a more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school. Use specific reasons and examples to support your answer.
原文（5分左右）:
When it comes to the judgment whether classmates exert more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school, I would like to claim that classmates play a more significant role. I am strongly convinced as follows.
First of all, the similar psychology between children and their classmates allow them to communicate better. Parents only pay attention to the child's record but do not know how to assist him to learn. In contrast, classmates are able to share their difficulties on learning and help each other to recover, such as explaining the lecture clearly or solving hard exercises together. When a child fails his exam, his parents often let him down by punishing or shouting at him. On the other hand, his classmates, who can totally understand the situation, may encourage him to try harder next time simply by talking and listening to him.
Moreover, the time children are at school now is much more than at home, which guarantees a firmer connection between classmates. Children are inevitably affected by people who they spend more time getting along with. This is also the reason why the gap between parents and children is greater. Due to the fact that classmates share most of their time together, they, therefore, can understand, sympathy, and influence each other much more.
In addition, children in a class are under the same pressure, which ensures more mutual understanding and tolerating. They all attempt to study according to their parents' wish and their teachers' guide. They all have to face the bad results in examinations. Their task in common is to become a good student. Through the difficulties in being a successful student, classmates construct a more concrete relationship between each other.
In conclusion, the role of neither parents nor classmates in a child in school should be denied, but it is no difficulty for me in accepting that the child's success is involved much more in their classmates than their parents.
专家修改（6分）:
(1)Classmates exert more influence than parents on a child’s success in school.
（2）First of all, the similar psychology between classmates allows them to communicate better. （3）Parents focus too much the children's academic performance but do not know how to better help them to learn. （4）In contrast, classmates are able to share their difficulties in learning and help each other to explain the lecture clearly or solve problems together. （5）When children fail in their exams, their parents often punish or shout. （6）classmates on the other hand, were totally understand the situation, may encourage them to try harder the next time simply by talking and listening.
（7）Moreover, children now spend much more than at home, which guarantees close contact among classmates. （8）Due to the fact that classmates share most of their time together, they, therefore, can understand, sympathize, and influence each other much more. (9)Children are inevitably affected by people with whom they spend more time. （10）This is also the reason why the gap between parents and children is growing.
（11）In addition, children in a class are under the same pressure, which stimulates more mutual understanding and tolerance. （12）They all attempt to study according to their parents' wish and their teachers' guidance. （13）They all have to face the great pressures of various examinations. （14）Their task in common is to become good students. （15）Through thethese pressure, classmates build a concrete friendship.
（16）In conclusion, neither the role of parents nor classmates in school should be denied, but I believe that the children's success is affected more by classmates than by parents.
段落分析：
(1)When it comes to the judgment whether classmates exert more important influence than parents on a child’s success in school, I would like to claim that classmates play a more significant role. (2)I am strongly convinced as follows.
（3）First of all, the similar psychology between children and their classmates allow them to communicate better.（4）Parents only pay attention to the child's record but do not know how to assist him to learn.（5）In contrast, classmates are able to share their difficulties on learning and help each other to recover, such as explaining the lecture clearly or solving hard exercises together. （6）When a child fails his exam, his parents often let him down by punishing or shouting at him. （7）On the other hand, his classmates, who can totally understand the situation, may encourage him to try harder next time simply by talking and listening to him.
(1)Classmates exert more influence than parents on a child’s success in school. （2）First of all, the similar psychology between classmates allows them to communicate better. （3）Parents focus too much the children's academic performance but do not know how to better help them to learn. （4）In contrast, classmates are able to share their difficulties in learning and help each other to explain the lecture clearly or solve problems together. （5）When children fail in their exams, their parents often punish or shout. （6）classmates on the other hand, were totally understand the situation, may encourage them to try harder the next time simply by talking and listening.
记得张红岩老师曾经说过，像“when people ask me……”类似这样的开头，其实往往显得非常苍白，因为除非在题目中，其实很少有人会问你这样的问题，所以这样的开头常常会显得很平庸。
原文中的第1句的前半部分就是在复述题目，但是我觉得他有一个语言点值得我们收藏：important influence 和significant role的替换。专家修改后的句子非常直观，开门见山，开头就用一句话概括。我个人觉得这个方法大家在考试中还是谨慎使用为好。
原文第4句的only太绝对化了，我们的家长不可能只关注我们的成绩的，这样说并不客观。记得战璐老师曾经说过，我们给出的理由一定是reasonable的，可信的。所以专家改得focus too much既表达了作者的意思，又很客观可信。我们写作的时候也要注意绝对化的词语的使用。
原文第5句的recover用的很不舒服，而且前面也没有交待什么东西让我们觉得lose,需要recover的，而且recover好像主要的方面是恢复体力。
第6句,let him down，
呃，家长和我们的关系应该不是敌对的吧，至少大部分家长的动机应该不是为了let us down吧。
原文第7句，注意重复：On the other hand, his classmates, who can totally understand the situation, may encourage him to try harder next time simply by talking and listening to him.
(8)Moreover, the time children are at school now is much more than at home, which guarantees a firmer connection between classmates. (9)Children are inevitably affected by people who they spend more time getting along with. (10)This is also the reason why the gap between parents and children is greater. (11)Due to the fact that classmates share most of their time together, they, therefore, can understand, sympathy, and influence each other much more.
（7）Moreover, children now spend much more time at school than at home, which guarantees close contact among classmates. （8）Due to the fact that classmates share most of their time together, they, therefore, can understand, sympathize, and influence each other much more. (9)Children are inevitably affected by people with whom they spend more time. （10）This is also the reason why the gap between parents and children is growing.
原文第8句：注意专家改后用close contact among classmates对firmer connection between classmates. 的替换；以及前面的spend time 的替换，体会地道表达、
改后是将原文的第11句前提，这个句子是对close contact 的进一步阐述，注意我们的逻辑不要混乱，最好在写之前用2-3分钟列个提纲，这样会保证逻辑的严谨。
（12）In addition, children in a class are under the same pressure, which ensures more mutual understanding and tolerating. （13）They all attempt to study according to their parents' wish and their teachers' guide.（14）They all have to face the bad results in examinations. （15）Their task in common is to become a good student.（16）Through the difficulties in being a successful student, classmates construct a more concrete relationship between each other.
（11）In addition, children in a class are under the same pressure, which stimulates more mutual understanding and tolerance. （12）They all attempt to study according to their parents' wish and their teachers' guidance. （13）They all have to face the great pressures of various examinations. （14）Their task in common is to become good students. （15）Through the these pressure, classmates build a concrete friendship.
原文第12句：注意stimulate对ensure的替换，stimulate（刺激）比ensure(确保)更要恰当一些。
原文的第16句和改后的第15句对比。改后的优点有两个，1、和段落主题句under the same pressure相呼应；2、语言简练有力。
In conclusion, the role of neither parents nor classmates in a child in school should be denied, but it is no difficulty for me in accepting that the child's success is involved much more in their classmates than their parents.
（16）In conclusion, neither the role of parents nor classmates in school should be denied, but I believe that the children's success is affected more by classmates than by parents.
注意句子的表达和简练。
例文评论：
一、文章类型：支持反对型。
二、语言运用。
1．
句（9）
普通：This is also the reason why the gap between parents and children is greater.
优秀：This is also the reason why the gap between parents and children is getting greater.
评论：使用动词使文章显得更有力一些，也更富于变化。而且在这里用get也可以表现一个长期的过程，而不是既成事实。
三、常见错误及误区。
1．
原文中的Due to the fact that classmates share most of their time together, they, therefore, can understand, sympathy, and influence each other much more.
注意sympathy的动词是sympathize，背单词时应注意词性的区别。
2．
原文中的In addition, children in a class are under the same pressure, which ensures more mutual understanding and tolerating.
这个句子作者的原意也许是保持词形一致，但是却忽视了词性。要注意understanding虽然是在动词后加上了ing，但是却是一个名词，但tolerate后加了ing 不是名词而是动名词，应该换成tolerance.
3．
原文中的classmates construct a more concrete relationship between each other.
表示形成关系的时候我们多用build而不用construct，后者更多地用于实物。对于近义词平时应注意区别。
4．中国人一般喜欢在泛指的时候使用单数，如讲到小孩时喜欢用child而不是children，这样就给代词的使用带来了一些困难，用he或she或是两个都用都不大好。另一个常犯的毛病是我们常常用he来指代。解决的方法是将单数换成复数，如同例文中一直用children。
