【11】TOPIC #061:
Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Parents or other adult relatives should make important decisions for their older (15 to 18 year-old) teenage children. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.
原文（5分左右）:
As to the problem whether parents should make important decisions for their older children, my opinion is that parents or other relatives should keep away from making important decisions for their children. Since we need to live in the society and parents can not raise us forever, we must rely fully on our own. Therefore, I think teenagers have a right to select their own education, their own friends and their own jobs.
Children should decide what knowledge they learn and what profession they are engaged in. Only do children themselves know what they are really interested in. For example, when I finished my high school, my parents gave me a chance to decide which faculty I need to continue in a university. They provided me all information of each faculty. They also gave me the financial support when I needed to take more courses for the entrance examination. They, however, never forced me to select any faculty. They knew I should learn what I really wanted to. I became successful in my education simply because my parent never made decisions for me.
Moreover, children should also decide their own friends. Parents may not want their children to mingle with other children from slum. They may not need their children to be friends with someone who always steels other people’s belongings. However, they should not force their children. Children should make a decision by themselves what kind of friends they need to associate with. They may decide to mingle with bad friends but that will cause them understand the real lives. And when they grow up, they will know what kind of people they should not associate with and how to prevent themselves from bad people. Parents can not protect children forever; thus they should give their children a chance to select their own friends.
Finally, children should select their own job. Parents may not like their children to work very far from their own home. They may not want their children to work for a small company. However, children may think that working far away can broaden their vision. Moreover, small companies may be able to give them a good position. Parents, thus, should respect their children’s decision in job selecting.
In conclusion, I know that all parents always want to give their children the best things. However, making all important decisions for their children may render children become weak and diffident people. Giving children an opportunity to make any decision by themselves will cause them able to stand on their own feet when they grow up.
专家修改（6分）:
（1）As to whether parents should make important decisions for their older children, my opinion and reasoning are like this: parents and relatives should not make important decisions for their children. （2）Since we need to live in the society and parents can not raise us forever, we must rely fully on our own to grow mature. （3）I think teenagers can and should choose their own education, their own friends and their own jobs.
（4）Children should make their own decisions about what kind of knowledge they learn and which profession they plan to engage in, though they can consult their parents and relatives. （5）Only children themselves know what they are really interested in. （6） For example, when I finished my high school, my parents gave me a chance to decide which discipline I need to continue in a university. （7）They provided me all the necessary information of each discipline. （8）They also gave me the financial support needed to take more courses for the entrance examination. （9）However, they never forced me to select a certain discipline. （10）They knew I should learn what I really wanted to. （11）I became successful in my education partly because my parents never made decisions for me.
（12）Further, children should also decide their own friends. （13）Parents may not want them to mingle with other children from slums. （14） They do not want their children to be friends with thieves. （15）However, they should not force their children. （16）Children should make such decisions by themselves as what kind of friends they need to associate with. （17）They may decide to mingle with “bad boys” but that will cause them to understand the real lives. （18）And when they grow up, they will know what kind of people they should not associate with and how to prevent themselves from bad people. Parents cannot protect children forever; thus they should give their children a chance to select their own friends.
（19）Finally, children should select their own jobs. （20）Some parents hope their children will work near their hometown so that they can meet one another easily. （21）They may want their children to join “big name” companies. （22）However, children may think that working far away can broaden their vision. （23）Moreover, small companies may give them a good position and fully bring out their potential. （24）Parents, thus, should respect their children’s decision in job selection.
（25） In conclusion, I know that all parents always want to give their children the best things. （26）However, making all important decisions for their children may render children as weak and diffident people. （27）Giving children an opportunity to make important decisions by themselves will better prepare them to stand on their own feet when they grow up.
题目：支持反对型
原文（5分左右）:
（1）As to the problem whether parents should make important decisions for their older children, my opinion is that parents or other relatives
should keep away from making important decisions for their children. （2）Since we need to live in the society and parents can not raise us forever, we must rely fully on our own. （3）Therefore, I think teenagers have a right to select their own education, their own friends and their own jobs.
（1）As to whether parents should make important decisions for their older children, my opinion and reasoning are like this: parents and relatives should not make important decisions for their children. （2）Since we need to live in the society and parents can not raise us forever, we must rely fully on our own to grow mature. （3）I think teenagers can and should choose their own education, their own friends and their own jobs.
开头：
结构：（改后）
第1句：联系题目，摆明观点
第2句：概述原因，对观点的深入
第3句：具体原因，涵盖全文将要阐述的要点。
文章开头表明观点，这是比较常见而且保险的开头写法之一。思路很清晰
语言点：
第1句：
keep away from是避开的意思，用在这里不合适。我们要注意积累地道的表达。
在opinion后面加了reasoning，reasoning有推理的意思，和opinion连用，感觉理性化比较强，这个我们可以在写作中沿用。
第2句：
增加了grow mature。我觉得显得句子完整。这句我也说不出来什么。
第3句：
Right 表示权利的时候，我觉得更多的表达的是很广义的，比如正义，自由，等等，用在这里有点大词小用，不大舒服。用can and should来表达就要好很多。
（4）Children should decide what knowledge they learn and what profession they are engaged in. (5) Only do children themselves know what they are really interested in. (6)For example, when I finished my high school, my parents gave me a chance to decide which faculty I need to continue in a university. (7)They provided me all information of each faculty. (8)They also gave me the financial support when I needed to take more courses for the entrance examination. (9)They, however, never forced me to select any faculty. (10)They knew I should learn what I really wanted to. (11) I became successful in my education simply because my parent never made decisions for me.
（4）Children should make their own decisions about what kind of knowledge they learn and which profession they plan to engage in, though they can consult their parents and relatives. （5）Only children themselves know what they are really interested in. （6） For example, when I finished my high school, my parents gave me a chance to decide which discipline I need to continue in a university. （7）They provided me all the necessary information of each discipline. （8）They also gave me the financial support needed to take more courses for the entrance examination. （9）However, they never forced me to select a certain discipline. （10）They knew I should learn what I really wanted to. （11）I became successful in my education partly because my parents never made decisions for me.
结构：
第二段：自己选择knowledge and profession
第4句：段落主题句------decide knowledge
第5句：阐述观点，原因-----know what they interested
第6句：举例------我上学的时候父母给了我权利
第7句：补充说明：他们提供了必要的信息
第8句：补充说明：他们提供了财政支持。
第9句：与第6句呼应，讲他们不给我做决定
第10句：补充说明
第11句：阐述结果。
语言点
第4句：增加though they can consult their parents and relatives. 我觉得是由于后面阐述的时候讲父母提供了信息和财政支持，那么这么说的话文章显得客观而相对完整。
第6句：注意discipline, 表达
“系”，问：为什么不用major？
第11句：partly是部分的，这样的表达不绝对。Simply是仅仅的意思，太绝对了。
第4句
首先应注意时态的问题。Profession的选择还没有开始，因此应该用将来时态。语言应该力求准确。另外根据下面的例子，作者并不是完全自己决定的，而是在父母的帮助下，因此在前面提一下会使下文不至于太突兀。前后照应是好文章的重要保证。
问题：
这段我读着觉得不舒服，我觉得这段不大像美式说法，而改后的文章主要是在句式上的修改，个人猜测可能这样写专家觉得能接受，但是我个人觉得思路不是很美式，如果段落主题句定位了自己要选择knowledge and profession，那么后面的阐述应该和这个紧密相关, 而这段的第7句和第8句我个人觉得和主题没关系。希望听大家的意见。
*我自己想了一段，为了不影响大家阅读我放在下一楼，有时间的话帮我看看~~嘿嘿，多谢了呀~~~
(12)Moreover, children should also decide their own friends. (13)Parents may not want their children to mingle with other children from slum. (14)They may not need their children to be friends with someone who always steels other people’s belongings. (15)However, they should not force their children. (16)Children should make a decision by themselves what kind of friends they need to associate with. (17)They may decide to mingle with bad friends but that will cause them understand the real lives. (18)And when they grow up, they will know what kind of people they should not associate with and how to prevent themselves from bad people. (19)Parents cannot protect children forever; thus they should give their children a chance to select their own friends.
（12）Further, children should also decide their own friends. （13）Parents may not want them to mingle with other children from slums. （14） They do not want their children to be friends with thieves. （15）However, they should not force their children. （16）Children should make such decisions by themselves as what kind of friends they need to associate with. （17）They may decide to mingle with “bad boys” but that will cause them to understand the real lives. （18）And when they grow up, they will know what kind of people they should not associate with and how to prevent themselves from bad people.（19） Parents cannot protect children forever; thus they should give their children a chance to select their own friends.
结构
第12句：段落中心句： decide friends
第13句：家长的立场
第14句：具体阐述家长的立场。
第15句：转折阐述作者观点。
第16句：具体阐述作者观点。
第17句：举例。
第18句：举例，递进（时间）
第19句：呼应段落中心句。
语言点：
第12句：moreover感觉是并列，further 递进。
第13句：提问， slum是贫民区的意思么？在这里是说贫民么？如果是的话，我觉得是不是把slum 改成 people who have corrupt customs要好一点？而且后面也讲的是thieves。因为如果这么理解的话，我觉得作者有种潜意识就是贫民是贼，这个我觉得是有问题的。但是专家也是这么说，所以我迷惑了。
第17句：bad boy和bad friends，意义不一样的，bad friends有本质上的（比如道德等等的问题）。
第14句
前一句首先有语法错误：steel应该改为steal，虽然高分作文允许少量的语法错误，但是这种简单的词如果拼写错误的话会给判券老师一个不好的印象。另外，need和want的区别要注意，need表达的是需要，而不是要，不能和want等同。对于前一句的定语从句如果用后一句的thieves的话显得简洁，对于一类人如果有名称的话，尽量用名称而不要试图解释。
问题：
呃……我怎么觉得这一段的驳斥不那么有力呢？家长不希望自己的孩子和贼做朋友，这一点列出来以后很不好驳斥的说。-------我可能有点鸡蛋挑骨头，但是真的看的不爽！
（20）Finally, children should select their own job. （21）Parents may not like their children to work very far from their own home. （22）They may not want their children to work for a small company. （23）However, children may think that working far away can broaden their vision. （24）Moreover, small companies may be able to give them a good position. （25）Parents, thus, should respect their children’s decision in job selecting.
（20）Finally, children should select their own jobs. （21）Some parents hope their children will work near their hometown so that they can meet one another easily. （22）They may want their children to join “big name” companies. （23）However, children may think that working far away can broaden their vision. （24）Moreover, small companies may give them a good position and fully bring out their potential. （25）Parents, thus, should respect their children’s decision in job selection.
结构：
第20句：主题句：select job
第21句：家长的立场
第22句：家长的立场2
第23句：转折表达作者观点，并驳斥第21句
第24句：作者观点驳斥第22句
第25句：重申作者观点
语言点：
第21句：加some，客观一点，加上了so that，
这个是很好的，理由的补充显得说服力强
第22句：”big name” companies，
我们可以积累的素材。
第24句：fully bring out their potential这个我觉得也是很好的，补充以后完整，从物质到精神上都有提升。
（25）In conclusion, I know that all parents always want to give their children the best things. （26）However, making all important decisions for their children may render children become weak and diffident people.（27）Giving children an opportunity to make any decision by themselves will cause them able to stand on their own feet when they grow up.
（25） In conclusion, I know that all parents always want to give their children the best things. （26）However, making all important decisions for their children may render children as weak and diffident people. （27）Giving children an opportunity to make important decisions by themselves will better prepare them to stand on their own feet when they grow up.
结尾
结构：
第25句：背景陈述，家长观点
第26句：驳斥家长观点
第27句：重申作者主题。
语言点：
第27句：any 太绝对了；注意better这个词，也是很柔和的表达。
Stand on their own feet--------积累的素材。
总体感觉：我觉得这篇文章的原文开头结尾还是不错的，中间的主体的思维框架也很清晰。但是主体的分段阐述中的过程我个人不是很认同（也有可能是我见得文章太少而引发的谬论）。有一点比较好玩的是全篇基本都是短句子，所以我想可能在考场上，句子的重要性可能还是在其能否被准确理解上。（当然如果你有充分的把握写出准确的长句子，还是不要放过亮点的机会）
常见错误和误区
1．
原文中的my opinion is that parents or other relatives should keep away from making important decisions for their children.对于不清楚意思的词组要慎用。例如这一句的keep away from的意思是隔绝在外，而本文中举的那个例子里家长的作用非常大，而且这种排除也不符合常理。
2．
原文中的when I finished my high school, my parents gave me a chance to decide which faculty I need to continue in a university.对于一些相似的词平时要注意区别。如faculty是指教学人员、系、科，更多的是指人；而这里要表达的是学科，应该用discipline或subject。
3．
原文中的However, making all-important decisions for their children may render children become weak and diffident people.注意这个句子里使用了两个动词而没有任何连接词，这是一种常犯的语病。
4．
有些词可以用主动形式也可以用被动形式的要注意区别。如which profession they want to engage in，就不要用成be engaged in，要突出主语的动作性。
5．
vision不可数，不可以用visions。
6．
掌握以下短语：cause sb. to do sth.，hope sb. do sth.和render sb. as。
7．
用selection，不用selecting表示select的名词形式。
嗯，今天就到这里吧。
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本帖最后由 棉花糖落落 于 2008-8-28 11:08 编辑 ]
