站内搜索:
发新话题
打印

[写作求拍] 写了一篇pets should be treated as family member的,大家拍

写了一篇pets should be treated as family member的,大家拍

Nowadays an increasing number of families raise pets in their homes and therefore pets have become indispensable family members. However, when it comes to the issue that whether pets should be treated as other human family members, there are numerous different opinions. From my point of view, I perceive that pets, as favorable animals for a family, should be regarded as critical family members as other human beings.

There is no denying the fact that pets may bring pleasure to their owners, which is one of the significant methods for people to get away from sorrow and upset. For example, Mrs. Li, my neighborhood who is approximately 60 years old and whose children all go abroad, raised a dog for nearly a decade. As a result, this puppy has become an essential part of her life. She ever said to me that she could live without her children, but could not live one day more without this little and lovely puppy.

In addition, in certain conditions, pets are able to prevent their owners from danger. Take myself as an example. Two months before, I went out to buy some food. Suddenly a man came to my front and asked for my wallet. At that time, I realized I met the robbery. Before I took any actions, my brave dog, Jack, bit the man without hesitation and therefore I got the chance to escape from the dangerous situation. Perhaps if there is another family member beside me, he/she will be scared and have no idea what to do at the moment, but the dog may protect its owner immediately.

However, giving too much respect to animals will make a confusion of the importance between animals and human beings. For instance, when wandering in a park and meeting an acquaintance with a pet, you may be called uncle or aunt by the pet. It is so awkward that the majority of people could not accept such label.

Although it is possible to make confusion sometimes when pets are treated as family members, in most circumstances, pets are valuable for their loveliness and loyalty. In the view of these advantages of pets, they should be given the equal treatment as other family members.

TOP

楼主行文流畅,注重结构,追求用词多变。
部分用法我不确定是否准确,比如:methods for people to get away from sorrow and upset. (methods一般用于学术方法疗法,也许用way比较合适,get away也许换成用release会好些)
.....60 years old and whose children have all gone abroad......(时态) have been raising a dog for nearly a decade(用现在完成进行时比较合适)

Suddenly a man came to my front and asked for my wallet.(用被动比较好)
(建议修改)Suddenly a man blocked my way and I was forced to surrender my wallet to him.....

I realized that I was facing a mugging...( 注意时态和article和行为robbery的用法 , robbery 一般指大的抢劫如抢银行, 路上的抢劫一般用mugging)

抛砖引玉~点到为止~
本帖最近评分记录
  • qifeihu 学识 +10 7叔啊 以后要多来写作课堂学术啊 2008-8-15 01:43
  • qifeihu 马刀金币 +20 7叔啊 以后要多来写作课堂学术啊 2008-8-15 01:43

TOP

f非常感谢楼上的大牛指点,我会进一步改进的

TOP

回复 3# 的帖子

好久没看到你的文章了!
不知道备考情况怎么样了!
加油

TOP

哇,没想到小艾还记得我啊,真是感动

不知为什么每周一题没有了呢,这个栏目很好呢

TOP

发新话题