The government has announced that a new high school may be built in your community. Do you support or oppose this plan? Use specific reasons and details in your answer.

A student who graduated from primary school must have some high schools to choose from. For  students who want to save time on the way to school, the best choice for them is to select a school in their community. When it comes to whether or not a new high school should be built in my community, I believe that a new high school should not be built because there are far more disadvantages than advantages on this issue.

First of all, people who live in my community will feel crowded. Most of them have to suffer the crowded community when a high school is built, especially in the morning when students go to classes and in the afternoon students go back home. For example, a narrow road in the community leads to the outside street, if a school is built, students will go to school via this narrow road, which makes it difficult for people living in community to pass to this road, perhaps they will be late for work. As a consequence, they might feel angry for students and the school.

Another disadvantage of building a new high school in my community is that the school and students are really noisy. For instance, each time the school gathers students, the noisy microphone will definitely disrupt the people in the community. Also, when students are taking break, the noisy chatting or laughing will at any rate disturb the people who are working at home or something like this. But the most important thing is that more cars come to the community, which causes an amount of noise pollution.

Nevertheless, building a new high school can develop the business in the community. More restaurants, more drugstores, and more barbershops may come into being. For example, students may go to restaurants to enjoy the meals when they finish a daylong study task, at  that time, they might feel absolutely comfortable.

To sum up, although I agree that there may be a couple of advantages of building a new high school in my community, I feel that the disadvantages are more apparent. In a community, people need a exact quiet and uncrowded environment to live in. Hence, as far as I am concerned, it is not necessary for the government to build a new high school in my community.

11月。。。呵呵。。。加油！

[ 本帖最后由 bisakiki 于 2008-10-4 23:47 编辑 ]

A student who graduated from primary school must have some high schools to choose from. For  students who want to save time on the way to school, the best choice for them is to select a school in their community. When it comes to whether or not a new high school should be built in my community, I believe that a new high school should not be built because there are far more disadvantages than advantages on this issue. 这个感觉有语病
我觉得你第一段开头的观点和后来自己的观点有矛盾，转折的快了点

First of all, people who live in my community will feel crowded. Most of them have to suffer the crowded community when a high school is built, especially in the morning when students go to classes and in the afternoon whenstudents go back home. For example, a narrow road in the community leads to the outside street, if a school is built, students will go to school via this narrow road, which makes it difficult for people living in community to pass to this road, perhaps they will be late for work. As a consequence, they might feel angry for students and the school.

Another disadvantage of building a new high school in my community is that the school and students are really noisy. 应该是学生产生的noise吧For instance, each time the school gathers students这句很怪, the noisy microphone will definitely disrupt the people in the community. Also, when students are taking break, the noisy chatting or laughing will at any rate disturb the people who are working at home or something like this. But the most important thing is that more cars come to the community, which causes an amount of noise pollution.

Nevertheless, building a new high school can develop the business in the community. More restaurants, more drugstores, and more barbershops may come into being. For example, students may go to restaurants to enjoy the meals when they finish a daylong study task, at  that time, they might feel absolutely comfortable.

To sum up, although I agree that there may be a couple of advantages of building a new high school in my community, I feel that the disadvantages are more apparent. In a community, people need a exact quiet and uncrowded environment to live in. Hence, as far as I am concerned, it is not necessary for the government to build a new high school in my community.

感觉你的例子都能说得好细啊，但就是好像有点重复啰嗦，不知道我说得对不对。。。呵

[ 本帖最后由 bisakiki 于 2008-10-4 23:55 编辑 ]

嗯,时间好紧啊...
这是我的第一篇INDEPENDENT WRITING,结构上您看可以嘛?
写的我都快吐血了^.......

A student who graduated from primary school must have some high schools to choose from似乎和中心无关. For  students who want to save time on the way to school, the best choice for them 与前面是重复的is to select a school in their community.从这里看我觉得应该是赞成，但看到后面是反对，衔接的不是特别紧凑。 When it comes to whether or not a new high school should be built in my community, I believe that a new high school should not be built because there are far more disadvantages than advantages on this issue. 我想可以换一种写法。如果前面已经写了好处，后面就应该直接转折了,however, for my community,。。。

A student who graduated from primary school must have some high schools to choose from. For  students who want to save time on the way to school, the best choice for them is to select a school in their community. When it comes to whether or not a new high school should be built in my community, I believe that a new high school should not be built because there are far more disadvantages than advantages on this issue.

First of all, people who live in my community will feel crowded. Most of them have to suffer the crowded community（这样是不是有点啰嗦，可以合并为一句写吧~） when a high school is built, especially in the morning when students go to classes and in the afternoon students go back home. For example, a narrow road in the community leads to the outside street, if a school is built, students will go to school via this narrow road, which makes it difficult for people living in community to pass to this road,(the narrow road leads to the outside street which students will pass by ,is difficult for people living in the community to walk)perhaps they will be late for work. As a consequence, they might feel angry for students and the school.

Another disadvantage of building a new high school in my community is that the school and students are really noisy. For instance, each time the school gathers students, the noisy microphone will definitely disrupt the people in the community(这三个词缩略为一个nearby). Also, when students are taking break, the noisy chatting or laughing will at any rate disturb the people who are working at home or something like this. But the most important thing is that more cars come to the community, which causes an amount of noise pollution.

Nevertheless, building a new high school can develop the business in the community. More restaurants, more drugstores, and more barbershops may come into being. For example, students may go to restaurants to enjoy the meals when they finish a daylong study task, at  that time, they might feel absolutely comfortable.

To sum up, although I agree that there may be a couple of advantages of building a new high school in my community, I feel that the disadvantages are more apparent. In a community, people need a exact quiet and uncrowded environment to live in. Hence, as far as I am concerned, it is not necessary for the government to build a new high school in my community.

我水平有限啊~ 修改的地方楼主斟酌着看吧~ 不过个人感觉有些地方挺啰嗦的 呵呵 我也是11.1考！ 我们一起加油！！！

[ 本帖最后由 foreverlxl 于 2008-10-6 22:40 编辑 ]

thanks a lot!