Every freshman may be faced with this problem when they first get into the college: living on campus in a dormitory or living off the campus in an apartment? It's quite a hard decision because both of them have their own benefits.

To start with，I want to talk about the advantages of living in dormitory.

Firstly, it can save a lot of money and trouble. The average house rental in Beijing now has reached 1000 yuan per month, while accommodation fee in campus only costs 1500 yuan per year. Considering the general financial pressure among college students, this price is too high for them to afford. Moreover, choosing to live outside campus means you have to do all the cooking, laundry, cleaning and other housework by yourself. These trivial things may take up too much time and abstract students’ energy from study.

Secondly, life is more convenient when living in campus. In the morning, students don't need to get up early to catch bus for the first class. In the evening, they don't need to rush home so that they can make full use of library, gyms, science laboratories and other facilities provided by school.

Last but not least, to most of the students, college is more than a place to learn expertise and book knowledge. It also provides students with a good opportunity to gain interpersonal communication skills. Elder people always say that school is a small society and dormitory is the core of this small society. The dormitory is usually arranged by school and students never know who they will stay with until they get to the dorm. By living together, students can help each other, share happiness and sorrows, and finally become life-long friends. If someone is ill, having a roommate to take care of him is obviously better than managing all by oneself.   

When it comes to renting a house outside campus, although I don't prefer this way, I have to admit that it does have some advantages over living in dormitory. For example, students may have more private space and are free to do whatever they want without worrying about disturbing others. Also, to have an experience of independent living at a young age is not a bad thing.

However, since I am a person who is more than willing to spend my time with friends rather than stay alone, I will probably choose to live in a dormitory after I am admitted by college.

参照范文写的，请大家批评指正：）

我建议开头第一段就阐明自己观点,这样好象更符合ETS raters评判思维.
粗读你作文,我觉得也的还可以,论据很明确.但注意是on campus而不是in campus
还可以继续改进

第3段末尾是不是打错了，应该是distract students’ energy from study
你最后既然选择Living in a dorm,那么倒数第二段其实可以不用了.

恩...不错不错...论述清晰,语法也不错..
如果开头阐明观点就更好了!因为结尾用PROBABLY的语气不是很强烈,所以开头如果能强调一下的话更好~加油咯

to do all the cooking, laundry, cleaning and other housework by yourself 改为  to do all the housework like cooking, laundry and cleaning by yourself 感觉部较好一点
读完第一段，感觉你要详细阐述 两种选择的优点了， 所以还是开门见山 道明观点比较好

Secondly, life is 。。。。。这段感觉 有一点简单。个人建议将上一论点中  后部分Moreover, choosing to live outside campus means you have to do。。。。。移至第二个论点中，然后进行比较。   至于第一个论点，可以再说明一下，目前我国人均收入。。。，父母挣钱如何不容易等。。。，来突出save a lot of money

总体感觉不错了，至少比我写得好，哈哈，加油。。。