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第35题,麻烦修改。。。

第35题,麻烦修改。。。

35. Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Attending a live performance (for example, a play, concert, or sporting event) is more enjoyable than watching the same event on television. Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion.

Nowadays, with the development of science and technology, such as assemble-line, people can earn more money but work less hours. So, entertainment becomes one of the most important parts of people’s daily life. There are many options for people to choose, like plays, concerts or sporting event. But which is the best way to enjoy these programs? Personally, I prefer to watch these events on television.

First of all, enjoying these events via television, I do not need to wait in a long line just in order to get a generally expensive ticket for the live performance. Therefore, I will save a lot of money, which I can use for other things I’m interested in, such as go out to have a meal with my friends or buy some pieces of DVD. Besides the money, thanks to the steep progress of the electronic communicational technology, I can get the same effect as that of the real place, where a basketball game or a play performances. For example, I can have the scene of the wonderful shot of Michal Jordan. What’s more, I can even have a good look at the slow movement of the same action, which can’t be achieved in the live place.

Furthermore, watching on TV, I need not to worry about being disturbed or troubling others. But if you decided to go to see the live performance, you would better to think about some unexpected things. My own experience will be a case of point. Last weekend, there was a new movie going to show in the theater. I got two tickets from my friend, so my girlfriend and I planed to go to have a look. Because the theater was five miles away from my home, we had to take bus to there. Unfortunately, there happened was a heavy traffic jam on our way. It took us almost two hours to arrive there and just to find the disappointed fact that the movie was over. Stupid!

Last but not least, in some case, it is impossible for me to go to the live place. For instance, I’m a NBA fun, I saw every game just on TV. I really want to have the opportunity to go to the live place to experience the enthusiastic atmosphere. But, no way. Because it’s too far and expensive for me to afford. So, watching on TV is the only way.

From what has been discussed above, I would say enjoying performances through television is a better way to relax myself.

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正在积攒中。。。


望高手光临,拍砖!

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我觉得,你的第一段,第一句话的逻辑还享有问题。。。
第一段如果写成一部分人喜欢现场,一部分人喜欢看电视,nevertheless,我更喜欢通过电视,这样会更好。。。

[ 本帖最后由 doyouknow 于 2007-12-29 20:50 编辑 ]

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Michael Jordan。。。
第三段,开头应该是watching TV,没有on...
还是第三段开头,need作的是助动词,不是实意动词应该是need not worry。。。
there is a movie going to show应该改成a movie was going to show或there was a movie showing...
take a bus...或take buses
there前面没有to

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遇到交通堵塞的那个倒装用错了,错在两点:
1, there 和on our way重复
2 正确的应该是there happened a heavy traffic jam
第三段的第二行应该是:would better think

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应该是disappointing fact...
第三段还有逻辑错误,既然是unexpected,怎么去think about...
stupid去掉,会影响整体印象。。。
第四段,写的很一般,in some case不对,可以写成:to some degree...
尤其要把no way去掉,那属于口语,最好不要用于写作。。。

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再就是,写比较型的文章最好写自己观点的好处的同时,也写出对方的好处或者是我方观点的坏处,这样会显示出你看问题比较全面,容易得高分。。。
再就是避免使用第二人称,很不好。。。
不好意思了,说话比较直接,发表了一些个人见解,其实你写的还是挺好的,嘿嘿

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回复 7# 的帖子

没关系,到这里来就是为了暴露自己的不足的。。。
哈哈,多谢指点,我会继续努力的,呵。。。

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