hehe 第一次发 攒了不少帖子 就用用吧！比较烂  烦劳大家了 请多多指教


Do you agree or disagree of the following statement
Television, newspaper, magazine, and other media pay too much attention to the personal live of famous people such as public figures and celebrities.
Use special reasons and details to explain your opinion



A recent survey shows that 47.8% of the mass media(television, newspaper, magazine, and other media) pay attention to the personal live of famous people such as public figures and celebrities. I fully disgaree with this statement, the reasons are cheifly as follow:

To begin with, actually, more attention put another meaning is more report concening the personal live of celebrities.however, some coverage is not true but sensational with the sole aim to grab the public attention for more profits. It interrupt the normal life of the celebrities. For instance, I recently read a report about some affairs of certain celebrity, and a few days went by, under considerable strain the celebrity appeared personal problem of marital breakdown with his wife.In addition, some irresponsible reports may ruin the carrer and even life of a famous personage, gossip is a fearing thing.Accordingly in my opinion, celebrities are also human, they have their human rights too to pertect their privacy, so, we can not deprive them of such a basic right.

Besides, Mass media may be a vast of influence on children. Everyone in period of minor has a idol in their minds, and the most part of idols may be celebrities. Consequently, they will more interested in focus on their idol's everything, specially, they are curious concern idol's presonal live.The mass media just satisfied their wish, therefore, children will spend more money and time concening this mass media. As a result, they will not concenstrate on their study.

Finally, Mass media as a sort of a sight line to observe this world should provide more diversity information, not only facus on this peronal live of celebrities.In addition, it also provide us a pure field of view, not only misleading and confusing right and wrong.However, we do not fully deny a fact that mass media report celebrities, actually, if mass media focus on enteriner's artistic talent and their contribution to the society, this report will more instructive and meaningful to everyone.

[ 本帖最后由 natalie 于 2007-12-30 20:20 编辑 ]

记得标点符号之后要空一格~其他的交给牛人改.....

个人意见：
   
一：开头不太好。
1  字数太少。

2  只有你的个人观点。没有理由，没有反方的观点，没有对比。很不完美。也没什么说服力。
  
3   你考试的时候可以用“（）”来表示“47.8% of the mass media”吗？
  
二：没有结尾  
只有最后一个原因，却没有总结性的结尾。总觉得好像没写完。呵呵。
   
呵呵。我只是大概看了下结构。纯属个人意见~~~

disgaree this statement                                +with


the reason               reasons 注意复数

personal live of celebrities             lives

.however                                     However 特别注意大写等问题，不要因为这个降档

For stance                              google了一下，没找到这样的用法~！还是用for instance

In additon                         in addition  拼写错误

In additon, some irresponsible reports may ruin the carrer and even life of a famous personage, gossip is a fearing thing.         这应该是两句话，用句号连接

celebrities are also human             建议用 also human beings

they have their human rights too to pertect their privacy          名词一般情况下不可以修饰名词，除非修饰的是对方的性质！所以去掉human   protect 拼写错误

such a basic rights.                         去掉a

[ 本帖最后由 二妮 于 2007-12-30 19:45 编辑 ]

Besides, Mass media may be has a vast of influence on children.    关于maybe连用还是分开的问题~！如果分开则是动词了！所以显然这里显然不该分开！但是我认为把be去掉才对！就是may

has a idol in their minds         an

celebritise          celebrities

Consequently, they will more interested in facus on their idol's everything,      interest more 如果用interested要有be动词       in focusing on   idols’

Consequently, they will more interested in facus on their idol's everything, specially, they are curious concern idol's presonal live.    这应该是两句话，句号连接      personal 不是presonal

Concening      concerning

Finally, Mass media  mass不大写

亲爱的~是focus 不是facus

peronal live of celebrities      personal lives 拼写错误

concenstrate     concentrate 拼写错误

on their study.           Studies

it also provide us a pure field of view,         provides

not only misleading and confusing right and wrong         but also       还有就是 confusing right and wrong 这个太中国化了~！不对~但我不知道怎么改~

However, we do not fully deny a fact that mass media report celebrities, actually, if mass media focus on enteriner's artistic talent and their contribution to the society, this report will more instructive and meaningfull to everyone.

这是两句话~ contribution 和talent 要加s~   meaningful 拼写错误~

To begin with, actually, more attention put an other meaning is more report concening the personal live of celebrities.


这句没看明白· ··

更多的关注用另一种说法就是更多的报道关于名人~

但是这两种说法好像一个意思~！

haha 真的要谢谢2妮  

改得好认真哦~~

本来想拿别的字体把语法错误改过来的 但实在不好意思了

吼吼  大马 我也觉得那句话即是病句又多余 嘻嘻 都说了 看我文章比较累啊